Mothering Mothers: An Exploration of the Perceptions of Adult Children of Divorce

Abstract

It is clear that divorce shapes children's and adolescents lives in a variety of ways and that these are largely negative – they have worse physical and psychological health, they are less well‐off financially and have an increased likelihood of themselves divorcing. Aside from outcomes which are easily measurable, less is known about the ways in which divorce impacts on long‐term relationships ‐ particularly those between children and their parents. This exploratory paper looks at the relationships between divorced mothers and their adult children and finds that, like other studies, their relationships are marked by intimacy, but unlike other studies, this intimacy is neither enjoyed nor embraced. The participants report that their mothers were damaged by the separation, that their anger is ongoing many years afterwards. It is argued that these factors, amongst others, contribute to the ambivalent relationships some of the participants perceive they have with their mothers today and their uncertainty about caring for them in the future.

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