Altruism or Guilt: Applying My Sociological Imagination to Choosing a Helping Profession

Abstract

In this autobiographical analysis of internalized guilt and social responsibility, question why choose to work in a helping profession. Why did choose not to pursue a career as a visual artist? How are two choices interrelated and/or exclusive of one another? question whether my need to take care of others in balance with my need to take care of myself. feel as though my career goals originate more from guilt than a genuine desire to help others. How should compassion and empathy factor in continuum between altruism and guilt? If so, where on this continuum does my motivation lie? This significant and unresolved issue occupies my thoughts regularly, though with much less intensity than in past. am sure my being preoccupied with it is, in part, normal--I am in my mid-twenties, thus feeling pressure to focus my energy on a career. decision, however, marked by excessive anxiety. In fact, until six months ago indecision would more accurately describe my decision to quit painting. My routine procrastination in submitting my portfolio was rooted in same emotions: low self-esteem, lack of confidence in my ability, and anxiety. Jennifer Kosmas examined these issues in her article The Roots of Procrastination: A Sociological Inquiry into Why Wait Until Tomorrow (2003/4). Kosmas linked her feelings to an authoritarian father. am able to empathize with her in that area. can trace majority of my irrational fears, lack of self worth, and other various unhealthy mental processes to his behavior when was a child. In this case, however, cannot recall any negative comment he made directly toward art. This surprising to Art was only endeavor not viciously regulated. Nonetheless, fear of rejection paralyzed even after a successful interview with school wanted to attend. felt certain that although admissions advisor accepted my artwork, a formal submission would prove it inadequate. These feelings may be better understood using concepts borrowed from symbolic interactionist perspective in sociology. Symbolic interactionism focuses on the creative way in which people interpret meaning during course of an interaction (Wallace & Wolf, 7). Charles Horton Cooley's concept the looking glass self' particularly relevant here. looking glass self characterized by three elements: the imagination of our appearance to other person; imagination of his judgment of that appearance; and some sort of self-feeling, such as pride or mortification (Wallace & Wolf, 203). This concept articulates well anxiety feel over expressing myself through art. became, still become, completely mortified at thought of showing my work; feel overexposed and vulnerable to viewer and even to myself. often have a hard time completing a project because harshly judge imagined finished product while it still in progress. Self Interaction defined by George Herbert Mead as the means by which human beings take things into account and organize themselves for action and is also basis for role-taking (Wallace & Wolf, 208). Such self interactions between me, socialized self, and I, unorganized and innovative self, often determine whether or not feel comfortable painting or teaching and why. When these different selves are interacting, a power struggle ensues. me advocates a stable income, a work schedule that could accommodate motherhood, fulfilling my role as a caretaker, and social approval. I advocates a life free from social expectations, norms free from socially constructed me. This issue of concern because I am aware that my past indecisions and recent concrete decision to donate all of my art supplies (save a pencil and paper) and focus solely on teaching (which am passionate about as well) was made by me, not I. Berger and Luckmann's phenomenological perspective--the problematizing of interactions and questioning of perceived socially constructed realities--can be used to explain my reasons for choosing a helping profession. …

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