“I wanted a soul mate”: Gendered Anticipation and Frameworks of Accountability in Parents' Preferences for Sons and Daughters

Abstract

This article draws on qualitative interview data from a diverse sample of parents in New England to explore the preferences they recall having for sons or daughters prior to parenthood. Before their children even arrive, potential parents are not only building the foundation for the gendered interests and tendencies they expect those children to have but also sharpening their sense of themselves as gendered persons, through the connections they anticipate sharing with their future children. Applying Fenstermaker, West, and Zimmerman's (2002) approach to gender as a situated accomplishment, I argue that through their gendered anticipation, parents reproduce a framework of accountability to gendered expectations, casting as essential features of their potential children and themselves gendered tendencies that are better understood as products rather than causes of the interactions parents anticipate. I consider the significance of such anticipation not only for the children these parents eventually raised but also for reproducing the frameworks of accountability that affect other parents and children more broadly.

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