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Ideas about maintaining the ‘solidarity of the family’, in contrast to women's interests, is starkly evident in domestic violence situations, where notions of maintaining the family have been intrinsic to women's decisions to remain in abusive relationships. This article shows how socio-cultural discourses that promote the maintenance of the family above women's safety, by normalising abuse in marriage and expecting women to self-sacrifice, contributes to women's reluctance to leave abusive relationships. Further notions of ‘forever after’ marriages and making it work at all costs also contributed to limited help-seeking in the interests of maintaining the social institution of marriage. As a result of these discourses and a lack of support from informal networks, women are reluctant to disclose abuse to professionals, because seeking help for abuse implies that they are challenging socio-cultural norms that are entrenched at the level of the family and community. These findings emerged from an analysis of in-depth abuse history interviews conducted with 17 abused women living in Johannesburg and Cape Town shelters. It is argued in this article that socio-cultural norms that serve to perpetuate domestic violence in the name of families at the expense of women's rights and safety need to be challenged.
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