Forgiveness: Integral to a science of close relationships?

Abstract

Paradoxically, fulfillment of our deepest needs occurs in intimate relationships, in which we are also likely to experience emotional injuries. For if there is one certainty in life, it is that romantic partners are not perfect, despite our tendency to idealize them (e.g, Murray, Holmes, & Griffin, 1996); it is a rare person who has never felt wronged, let down, betrayed, or by a relationship partner. In close relationships, we voluntarily make ourselves most vulnerable to another human being by linking the realization of our needs, aspirations, and hopes to the goodwill of our relationship partner (for related ideas, see chap. 17, this volume). Rendering ourselves vulnerable makes possible the profound sense of well-being that can be experienced in close relationships. But at the same time, the imperfection of any partner means that hurt or injury is virtually inevitable, and when it occurs, the hurt is particularly poignant precisely because we have made ourselves vulnerable. In the face of such injury, negative feelings (e.g, anger, resentment, disappointment) are common. Motivation to avoid the source of the harm,

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