The New Don't Blame Mother: Mending the Mother-Daughter Relationship

Abstract

The cover of The New Don't Blame Mother announces that this book has the power to change your relationship with your mother or daughter. This is a selfhelp book, an updated and revised edition of Caplan's original bestseller first published in 1989. The author is a clinical research psychologist and, in popularizing her subject, she does not hesitate to blame therapists for contributing to the mother-blame that permeates society. The second edition includes a preface that takes account of newly published material in the field. Here, Caplan also points to recent social changes, such as developments in reproductive technologies and new trends in parenting and family arrangements that impact on the ways mothers continue to be blamed in society. The discussion relates primarily to the United States and Canada (and due praise is given to the activities of ARM). The thesis of the book rests on two assumptions: first, that most motherdaughter relationships are not merely ambivalent but frequently a source of great pain; and second, that one of the major causes of such difficulty is the extent to which society blames mothers for everything that is wrong with their children. In The New Don't Blame Mother, Caplan seeks to help mothers and daughters help themselves by learning from the experiences of others and by thinking positively. Social attitudes towards mothers are analyzed through the polarized myths of the Perfect Mother and the Bad Mother. The Perfect Mother is an unlimited, natural nurturer; the Bad Mother is, at once, the motherwho stays home and the motherwho has apayingjob outside the home. Whether perfect or bad, mothers are blamed for not conforming to stereotype.

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