Abstract There are two subpopulations of functional explanation roaming the earth: teleological explanation, and functional analysis. The two are in competition. In this chapter, I hope to help select the latter, and nudge the former to a well-deserved extinction. Teleology is the idea that some things can and should be explained by appeal to their purpose or goal or function. It is, for example, the idea that one can explain why rocks fall and fire rises by appeal to the fact that the goal of matter is to go to its natural place, and that this is down for rocks and up for fire.
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