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As Goffman (1967) Goffman, E. 1967. Interaction ritual., Harmondsworth: Penguin. [Google Scholar] remarks: “[if] the minute social system that is brought into being with each encounter [becomes] disorganized ... participants will feel unruled, unreal, and anomic” (p.135). In other words, if we and our interlocutors are to communicate readily and easily, we rely on those with whom we are involved to sustain the sense of a collective-we between us, a shared reality that is our reality. And it is only in relation to such a shared reality that we can express to each other who we are, express the nature of our unique inner lives to each other. To an extent, we owe our very being, our identity, to it. If it collapses, then it is quite easy for us to feel unheard, or unable to express ourselves. Is there something wrong with us? Or with the world? If we are to sustain the sense of a collective-we, then we find ourselves with, as Goffman notes, certain “involvement obligations,” or “interactive responsibilities,” to our joint affairs: only if you respond to me in a way sensitive to the relations between your actions and mine can we act together as a collective-we; and if I sense you as not being sensitive in that way, that is, as not being responsive to me, but as pursuing an agenda of your own, then I will feel immediately offended in an ethical way. I will feel that you lack respect not only for our affairs, but for me too. In such circumstances, not only do I feel insulted, but I lack the social conditions necessary to express myself, the nature of my own inner life. In psychotherapy, in which it is the task of therapists to explore the unique inner lives of their clients, this is disastrous. Yet, in the pursuit of a technical agenda, it is only too easy to ignore the intrinsic “involvement obligations” present to some extent in all our exchanges with others, and as a result, to disrupt or disturb them in their very being,in who they are for us.
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